i'm back with a bam

hey guys~ i'm finally back to Earth.

things have definitely changed. tremendous changes.

first of all - me

i cant believe how much this episode have made me into a different person. how i feel, how i think, how i act...

second - my family

my godma and my mum have been super nice. they tried really hard to made my life better for me. and i want to make their lives better too. my aunts, instead of being supportive have made my mum's life super hard and i'm gonna come back and show them. who're they to judge me?

third - ash & vic are really my best friends. i really thank god i have both of u. i love u guys~~

conclusion - this is short, but i just wanna say, now, i'm just gonna focus on getting SIA & show those hypocrites i'm not someone they can fck with. karma is gonna hit them back in the face. hmph. i am gonna be a better person.

this has made me realize, i dont wanna live like i used to for the rest of my life. i'm going to make something out of the gifts that God has given me, and i hope i can find God again in my life although its so much easier being a free thinker that i am.

*shrugs* whether there's God or not, i live for the people in my life aka my mum, godma, grandparents, & my bffs.

xoxo

my confession

i dont think i can lie to myself any longer; that i'm not having this 5-months problem, that i'm fine every single morning when i wake up, because i'm not.

every single morning i have to look at what i wear, not only what to wear, but something to wear so that i'll look nice and cover the bump. its getting more obvious than ever and..i still cant tell my mum about it. its getting harder to stand up or walk or jump around. i feel so damn bloody fat but i'm still the same weight as i was 6 months ago.

everytime i look at myself in the mirror i feel like crying. how did i end up screwing myself like this? my life was perfect. i can get almost any guy i wanted, the attention i wanted, the friends i had..it was all going so well. then, this happened. i thought he was it, u know.. i trusted him. we had so much in common, yet, even though i cheated on him and he didnt know it, but, i didnt know he would be such an ass hole. and N is no better.

why must i get the jerk everytime? ok maybe i asked for it. maybe because i'm such a flirt, such a player, its karma coming back to hit me, so u know wat? you got me. i've had it. i am at the brink of suiciding. but i cant bring myself to do it. then wat happens to Barney? what happens to my mum? my best friends?? i cant just leave them like that. it'll hurt them more. i always act strong, and i cant tell this to them but, i cant do it much longer. its killing me inside. not a metaphor.

not only my life is failing but my grades are coming out bad. i come to class late, or i miss class. this is..not me. not the person i used to know myself as.

i hope i'll be able to hold myself up longer. i'll try my best. even though i dont know what else i have to live for in the future.

xoxo.

Here We Go Again - Demi Lovato

I throw all of your stuff away

I’m gonna clear you out of my head

I tear you out of my heart

And ignore all your messages

I tell everyone we are through

'Cause I'm so much better without you

But it’s just another pretty lie

'Cause I break down

Every time you come around

Oh oh!

So how did you get here under my skin?

I swore that I'd never let you back in

Should have known better in trying to let you go

'Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can't quit

Something about you is so addictive

We're falling together

you'd think that by now I'd know

cause here we go go go again

You never know what you want

And you never say what you mean

But I start to go insane

Every time that you look at me

You only hear half of what I say

And you're always showing up too late

And I know that I should say goodbye

But it's no use

Can't be with or without you

Oh Oh

So how did you get here under my skin?

I swore that I'd never let you back in

Should have known better in trying to let you go

Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can't quit

Something about you is so addictive

We're falling together you’d think that by now I'd know

Cause here we go go go again, again

And again, and again, and again, and again, and again

I threw all of your stuff away

And I cleared you out of my head

And I tore you out of my heart

Oh oh, Oh oh

So how did you get here under my skin?

I swore that I'd never let you back in

Should have known better in trying to let you go

Cause here we go go go again

Hard as I try I know I can't quit

Something about you is so addictive

We're falling together you'd think that by now I'd know

Cause here we go go here we go again

Here we go again

Should have known better in trying to let you go

'Cause here we go go go again